This has been a hell of a year. A surprising one, to say the least. I had fun, I travelled to new and exciting places in the world and had a great summer in Berlin. But to be honest, looking back it feels like I lost control over my own life. Not in an entirely bad way, more in a huge life-lesson kind of way.
Growing up, I always felt like I was the one who could decide on the direction. That I could control what would happen when and how ‘successful’ I would be. It was all depending on structure, planning, hard work and dedication. Wrong. Turns out you cannot always be behind the steering wheel, even in your own life.
At the beginning of this year I felt ready for a new challenge career-wise, so I applied for another job. In the end, I did get that one but decided to stay with my old firm, because I love the product it puts on the market too much. However, besides that I always kept dreaming about starting my own company. I even produced the first prototype of my own product and reduced my working hours to 36 so I could have one day a week to concentrate on that project. And thought the rest would follow naturally. But in the end… Was too afraid to really hit this company off. So one of my goals for 2014 remained unattained because I thought I could wait some more…
Then came September. September turned my life and my boyfriends’ life around. We found out that I am pregnant. And this was not what we intended to happen – yet. It is super difficult – impossible – to write about the struggle that followed. I am pro choice and considered all options open. But to put into words what my mind went through in the weeks that followed, it’s simply too hard and too personal. But what I did find out in this period in my life, is that my relation with my boyfriend is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am proud that we got through this difficult time together and grew even closer. I know and feel the struggle he went through – we both went through. I sincerely hope to never have to make a decision in this way again, because it takes a toll on you. But it makes you grow. And that’s what makes me a stronger person now, than I was beginning of 2014.
In short, 2 big lessons connected to these topics stand out for me this year:
Lesson 1: When you want something really bad, go for it NOW. Not later. Not necessarily this instant. But don’t postpone your dreams when you can already start making them happen. You should not keep postponing big adventures because you ‘are not ready yet’ or because fear takes over. Life is not as long as you might want it to be, and above all, unpredictable. REALLY unpredictable. As much as I would have wanted all the time in the world to live 10 different lives, this ain’t gonna happen. So, I decided to cut the crap and start already. Start writing. Start being an entrepreneur. Don’t hesitate. You can always change tracks again later.
Lesson 2: Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans. Cheesy, right? Turns out, it’s true. Me and my boyfriend made plans. BIG plans. We were going to travel through Europe for the first 8 months of 2015. We would buy a car, quit our jobs and just see where te road takes us. Afterwards, we would move to Amsterdam and start building a home. Then the kids would come. Ah… Baby’s… Yes, well move that up a bit, because beginning of May 2015 we are going to be parents. And that my friends, was the biggest surprise this year brought. All of our travel plans. Out of the window. All of our ‘taking it slow’ ideas, goodbye. Life truly DOES happen to you while making other plans. So be prepared, and better get used to it. I can say that I am in a happy place right now, getting back on my own track while including what life decided for me to happen.
And I made plans for 2015. Of course. But I learned over the years that acting it out is better than planning it and writing about it. So I’ll keep these for myself for now. But 2015, bring it on. I am more than ready and excited to see what this year will bring, to meet our little girl and see the sun (in February already, YES, we booked a final holiday-to-the-sun for 2 yesterday!)
Feel free to share your 2014-lessons as well, I’m curious!
Wish you all the best for 2015, with lots of love, happiness and adventures!