This is the first time in almost two weeks that I log-in to Quarterlife Adventures. But I still don’t know where to start with this story. I thought the pregnancy had turned my life around, turns out it was not even the beginning. What can I say, all the cliche’s seem to apply in my case. I am a changed woman. My daughter is the most beautiful human being I have ever seen and I can look at her for hours and forget all about the world around me. The deepest form of love. Seeing the love of my life hold that little bundle (of joy YES I JUST WROTE THAT). ‘Love’ doesn’t even begin to describe what I feel for the both of them.
Please forgive me, but my diary’s are not going to be spectacular or inspirational or whatever the coming weeks. Because my god, the only thing I am is tired. Nothing more, nothing less. My pregnancy leave has started earlier than planned because my body decided to be not such a start at carrying a baby. At first there was relief, because I could finally focus on making the babe, preparing for the birth and doing pregnancy yoga (I hope no one ever has to see me do that – not charming, but oh so good). But now…
Can I just say that I am falling in love with our nature more and more at the moment? I used to be afraid of giving birth. Mainly before I was pregnant. But now? I just can’t wait to get that baby out of me (well this really sounds weird, doesn’t it…). It’s a combination of trust (who run the world…GIRLS etc) and longing (after all the kicking and moving inside of me I can’t wait to meet that little girl) that just makes me wish May be here sooner rather than later. Oh, and the five-star-hotel-like hospital might help as well…
You know the stories about pregnant women and their hormones, right? Floadgates that open whenever something even remotely emotional happens around them, motherly instincts popping up when ants cross the street, wanting to cuddle every crying infant within a ten km radius…Well, that’s not me.
I am slightly doubting if this is the right way to go, to share this with you. After all, this will not put me in the best light of day ever. But hey, since we are all #Iwokeuplikethis and stuff, I figured this might help women in the same position feel a bit better about themselves.
The final holiday being a family of only two flew by like a dream. You know, the one where you wake up and just instantly want to cry because you wanted it to last a bit longer. Just a tiiiiny bit. But no. Harsh reality, it’s simply not possible. That’s how I feel right now. I want to do some more sun-soaking. I even wish for some more grasping for air while climbing a vulcano, because boy, that was beautiful.
Tenerife always seemed to me like an island where only old pensionados go to do well… Nothing. And part of that image was true. But mostly, this island harbors some stunning nature. It overwhelmed us from time to time. Next to of course the fact that I got to spend hours on the beach which was instant satisfaction, since feeling like a stranded whale is so much better than feeling like a whale who accidentally got on land and now has to move around in an upright position. Luckily no one made any rescue attempts while I was passed out on my beach towel.
Originally, the title of this post was ‘lifehacks for pregnant women’. Turns out, I don’t know any. I still call my mother whenever the practical side of this whole ordeal gets in my way and I don’t know what to do about it. For example, how could I know that underwired bra’s should be banned when you’re pregnant? They start to lead their own life and you risk cutting off a boob or two when sitting down wearing one. Seriously, tortuous devils.
But the upside of having a mind that is always racing, is that I am able to come up with mindhacks for pregnant women (ok, if they are useful is up to your own consideration to be honest, maybe I am the only one in the world who needs these).
Freeeak oooout! Remember that song? It was funny, right. The past couple of days it has been all I could do. Literally freak out. Time flies when you are having fun, apparently also when you are having not so much fun and are basically glued to the couch because you are so tired of carrying a baby in your belly. Say that again. A baby in your belly. The wonders of nature. Sometimes those freak me out. My little girl is the sweetest ever, I’m sure. She dances all night every night, then holds still for about 3 hours in the early morning so I can catch some sleep before it’s too late, and accompanies me again with fun tickles during my morning ritual. Cozy. And freakin’scary. Because eventually, she has to come out. And I feel like I don’t have a CLUE as to how that works.
So I’m pregnant. The big surprise 2014 brought me. It being a surprise, I never really spoke to anybody about what it means to be pregnant. All of my friends don’t have babies yet. My mother seems to have avoided the subject up until now because she didn’t think it would happen for the coming 2-4 years. For me, the past five months have been a kind of rollercoaster. I usually try to come as prepared as possible to all new adventures. Here I simply lacked knowledge about it coming. So, here are some things no one told me about being pregnant (maybe they would have, though, had they know this was going to happen). A little note for all you girls out there who might think about becoming pregnant, now or in the future.
This has been a hell of a year. A surprising one, to say the least. I had fun, I travelled to new and exciting places in the world and had a great summer in Berlin. But to be honest, looking back it feels like I lost control over my own life. Not in an entirely bad way, more in a huge life-lesson kind of way.
Growing up, I always felt like I was the one who could decide on the direction. That I could control what would happen when and how ‘successful’ I would be. It was all depending on structure, planning, hard work and dedication. Wrong. Turns out you cannot always be behind the steering wheel, even in your own life.
Exactly like the one pictured above (the thing in the middle). Let me debunk some myths for you. Pregnancy is not always a time of sole pure bliss. Of longing for your little one. Neither of feeling pretty or just continuing your daily business for nine months until you can give birth covered in rays of sunlight. Although, in my case the last part might happen. May, you know, there is a chance that might happen…
So, about that frog thing. Your body immediately starts to change when you get pregnant. That’s also the way I noticed that this was not a normal delayed period, but some new adventure my body was readying itself for. Fun! Right? Think again.