This is the first time in almost two weeks that I log-in to Quarterlife Adventures. But I still don’t know where to start with this story. I thought the pregnancy had turned my life around, turns out it was not even the beginning. What can I say, all the cliche’s seem to apply in my case. I am a changed woman. My daughter is the most beautiful human being I have ever seen and I can look at her for hours and forget all about the world around me. The deepest form of love. Seeing the love of my life hold that little bundle (of joy YES I JUST WROTE THAT). ‘Love’ doesn’t even begin to describe what I feel for the both of them.
There was supposed to be a planned c-section on the 28th of April. Lizzy decided to stay head-up in my belly and the doctors were unable to manually turn her around. A stubborn one, I wouldn’t have expected anything else given the nature of her parents. But then suddenly, in the evening of the 23th of April, the baby kindly let us know that she preferred to pick her birthday herself. My water broke, contractions started and I freaked the hell out. I mean, given all the talks about the planned c-section and the fact that I was just 37 weeks and a couple of days pregnant I figured that I would not meet my little girl before the planned date. Neither thought the doctors.
“Euh, B, we have a problem…”, I kindly informed my boyfriend after running to the toilet.
“Oh hm…Wait, what?”
“Yeah euh I think…labor has kicked in?”
“Well, that’s my girl!”
“How the hell does this work? I’m so not prepared!”
Apparently calling the hospital and a taxi did (most of the) the trick. We rushed to gather all my things, knowing that with a breech baby, it’s even more important to go straight to the hospital after the water breaks. And then hours of waiting started. Of waiting for test results. Checking if there wasn’t too much dilation. If the heartbeat of the baby remained ok. For other emergency c-sections to be finished. And my phone to die (we forgot the charger, of course, so again sorry to my family). And then, on the 24th of April, at 6.41, our fantastic little girl Lizzy was born.
And you guys, it was the greatest moment of my life so far. To be the first one, together with my love, to welcome a new soul into this world. Lizzy made some soft sounds and then opened both eyes to take it all in, in silence. To meet this little baby and realize: she was the one who accompanied me for the past 8 months. Those eyes, that have never seen anything before. Those little hands grasping air and looking for connection. And then to be the one who can provide. At that moment my heart just burst into a million pieces, that started to flutter around like butterflies in my body. A certain force came over me; strength, power and love, and forever the dedication to provide our little Lizzy with the best life she can imagine. Because she is a piece of my heart, of our hearts, that walks around on the face of this earth by herself, and we will protect and guard her with all that we have.
The days since Lizzy’s birth have gone by in a haze. I need to recover from the surgery (which to be honest should never be underestimated, I might write about that later) which takes up a lot of energy, and combined with the broken nights makes for a very tired me. But I feel better than I ever felt the past 8 months. I am myself again, but much, much richer. Every day we grow a little and get to know each other better and better. Lizzy is the sweetest, calmest baby I have ever met (fingers crossed and knock on wood it stays that way). Never have I been more in love with my boyfriend, he is the best partner and father I could imagine. I feel on top of the world (while I behave like a couch potato who was warned by her midwife to ‘really take it easy now’).
But writing this proves to be difficult, because I keep on feeling like my words don’t do justice to the way I feel, to the experience of becoming a mother, and to Lizzy. The mix of emotions is just so strong and overpowering and awesome. My daughter, my Lizzy, she is finally here. This is it, I feel like a bazillion bucks.